why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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