you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
