It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
