Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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