I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
