I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
