3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
