this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
