did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
