there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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