Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
