I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize