i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
