I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
