My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
