their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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