remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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