No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
