You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I supernannyed him into submission
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize