I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
