i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
