Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
