We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
