There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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