Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
