Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
