If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
