In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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