the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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