There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
