I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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