Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need a beard to bite.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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