You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize