i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
