Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
