You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
