So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
