I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
