I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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