This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
