I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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