i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
