4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
