i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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