home. puking in laundry basket.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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