the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
