i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
