Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
