loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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