Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
