he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
