And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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