you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
