It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
