I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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