my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
