Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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