I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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