i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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