so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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