Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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