If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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