i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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