Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
